With a clean face: how a woman who lost her entire family moved to New York and was able to start all over again

The other day we happened to see video Yulia Sudakova-Zotova from Nizhny Novgorod, where she spoke about herself. We could not remain indifferent to her history and heroic path. Her courage and strength, probably, will be envied by every person. We decided to tell you the story of a New Yorker who, like every fate, has its own unique pattern. But Julia and her story will touch the heart of everyone who meets her.

Yuliya is a psychologist and mentor with great experience. On her Instagram page, she told the story of how she lost her entire family, but despite this, being left alone, she moved to New York.

But Julia begins its history in 2014. Then she had a successful business - her own dance school. She directs one of the top 10 show ballets in Nizhny Novgorod. Along with creativity, she leads a career as a scientist, teaches at the university and is preparing to defend his PhD thesis. Then she will study the psychology of relationships as a hobby. On her shelves, next to the cups from the dance competitions, there are books on psychology. Julia will have success not only in her career, there will always be many fans around her. Sometimes she allowed herself alcohol.

Death of 13 loved ones

One day, on June 17, 2014, falling asleep, she will guess that tomorrow will be “the best day of her life.”

On the morning of June 18, she receives an unexpected call from hospital about the death of a brother. Julia was very close with him, he was only 42 years old ...

“It was my very first encounter with death,” Yulia says.

She then adds that, in fact, her brother's death was the seventh in a row. She had lost her father before him. To this day, she has lost thirteen loved ones.

“It was like the ground was gone under my feet… A lot of questions to God, a sense of the injustice of the world, I had to somehow emerge,” she says.

In search of answers, Julia begins to intensively engage in spiritual practices, breathing practices, and yoga. These will be her ways to emerge. She turned to mentors, and one day one of them will tell her about choosing a soul and letting go.

Answered her questions psychology, then Julia immediately begins to share knowledge with people. Yoga has given her depth and peace, she refuses alcohol. Not having a higher psychological education, she applies all the knowledge in her life. Julia attends a huge number of master classes and trainings: from esotericism to symbol-drama.

Leap in development

Six months after her death, she not only recovers, but also achieves great personal success. She enters to study as a psychologist, opens a second branch of the school and defends her dissertation. At the same time, she begins to conduct her first psychological trainings.

Julia is full of strength and energy again, begins to live a full life. A year later, she meets a man, and understands that he will become her husband.

Julia remembers him: “He was the man of my dreams. Smart, mature, successful businessman. A house, two businesses, no bad habits, a wonderful family man and a very kind and bright person. Ugh, a fortress. My support. My husband".

After 10 months, in 2016, their wedding took place. She soon finds out that she is pregnant. “I knew that a strong girl would come,” Yulia writes about this.

“Absolute happiness gently shatters”

“The house is a full bowl. Dream husband. We are expecting a daughter. Absolute happiness, everything I could only dream of.”

On February 4, 2018, their daughter Sasha is born with her husband.

Julia writes that her familiar world begins to crumble “at first softly and smoothly, then hard and fast.”

When Sasha was six months old, her husband started having big problems in business. Motherhood will be difficult from the very beginning, Julia leaves the university, closes the dance school. This decision is easy for her, since even then she begins to prepare to conduct psychological practice.

One day, when she was feeding Sasha zucchini, she noticed that her right eye was barely perceptibly trembling. “I am not an anxious mother, I am a mother who doesn’t give a damn,” Yulia writes. But it is precisely this moment that causes great anxiety in her.

They went to a neurologist, but immediately decided to leave the clinic when they were sent for an MRI. Knowing that this procedure for children is performed under anesthesia, they decide to see another neurologist. But they will all recommend the same thing - Sasha needs an MRI.

On November 8, 2018, Julia's world turned upside down.

The examination will last more than an hour, she will be alone in the clinic. The anesthesiologist comes out and offers to go to a separate room.

“The situation is serious. We saw a tumor. Go to Moscow, they don’t operate like that in Nizhny Novgorod, ”the doctor will tell her. Julia was in shock. She told everything to her husband.

A little later, the doctor gave them a conclusion and explained everything. From her words, they will catch the most important thing - there is a chance. Thus begins the path to the healing of their daughter. The story of healing can be read on the hashtag #history of sashizudakovyzotovoy on Instagram.

“I didn’t sleep well for a single night for the next three years,” Yulia recalls. Sasha catches an infection, so the operation is constantly postponed. They spent a long time in the infectious diseases hospital in Nizhny Novgorod - Sasha had the flu, twice pyelonephritis and rotavirus. They will only tell their mothers about their daughter's illness, no one else will know.

“It was hell”

Finally, on March 6, 2019, Sasha will undergo the first operation - a craniotomy. In a panic, Julia and her husband are looking for any way to heal. Reiki, spiritual people, clean eating, alternative injections. One day, her husband didn't watch, and Sasha fell off the couch, hitting the spot where the operation was performed. The husband will suffer from guilt for a long time.

In April 2019, he will start chemotherapy at a hospital in Nizhny Novgorod. as Julia writes, “it was hell.”

The bone fell off at the site of impact. It comes out due to increased intracranial pressure. Due to complications after surgery and hormonal disorders, Sasha stops getting up and even sitting.

After the second operation, the family decides to carry out treatment in Moscow. By that time, in addition to psychology, something “beyond the boundaries of the familiar world” appears in Yulia’s life. “That didn’t save Sasha either, but it helped me,” Yulia says.

In Moscow, Yulia will be practically alone. The husband will need to work in Nizhny Novgorod, no one will know about their difficult situation. “I survived as best I could,” Yulia says. On the fifth week of chemotherapy, Sasha has a crisis. The bump on the forehead swells, slightly easing the jump in intracranial pressure. Sasha almost died. The husband came to them for the weekend, he was admitted to the hospital. In order to somehow alleviate the suffering of the child, they take turns holding her in their arms in an upright position.

Sasha survived that night, but became blind. “I went blind at 1,5 years old. This is a huge pain,” Yulia writes.

The choice to live rather than suffer

At that time, Julia decides to live, not to suffer. With God's help, she gains strength. Then she deeply understands the meaning of choice. Talking to God, she will say: “You cunningly thought that if this happened to me, I would easily give up life, but it happened to Sasha, and I could not leave her.”

“The brightest angel, my Sasha. The biggest miracle, the blessing of God. She turned everything inside and out, ”says Yulia. On the phone, while Sasha was dozing, Yulia began to collect bit by bit what brings her joy.

“The side effects from chemo were tough,” Julia writes. Each time after chemotherapy, Sasha experienced another crisis. The treatment protocol was easy for other children, but not for Sasha. The family decides to stop this treatment.

They will start looking for treatment abroad, but Germany and Israel will refuse them. It turned out that the chemotherapy protocol had to be ended immediately after the first side effect. Sasha's medical history was studied by a doctor in New York, who told them about it and invited them to the USA for treatment. They knew that the treatment would cost a lot of money. They will be advised to open crowdfunding, and they will be helped by the whole world.

Before leaving, Julia held several free trainings. Her husband supports her blogging activities. She starts a blog on Instagram, and her husband supports her in this.

In 2019 they are moving to New York. Yulia's husband returns to Nizhny Novgorod to work. Julia is left alone in a foreign country with a small child who needs treatment.

Life in New York is expensive, so Julia worked every night when Sasha slept, wrote a blog, and studied constantly. Treatment in the United States benefited Sasha, she began to recover.

“My husband and I went through everything: separation, and a pandemic and financial difficulties, it was hard physically and emotionally, but we lived and dreamed, loved and believed,” says Yulia.

Help from where they did not expect

In September 2020, an unpleasant surprise awaited the family. The hospital staff reported that they could not continue treatment, as the family had no money left in the account. They didn't know what to do. “I still remember that trembling,” Yulia says.

In the corridor of the hospital, when she was crying, she was approached by a woman and asked what happened. Julia told the woman about her problem. To a complete stranger. And again a miracle happened and they were helped. “Our path with Sasha was full of miracles,” she recalls.

The treatment continued, Sasha got much better. In February 2021, they finished therapy, and my husband was looking forward to taking them to Russia. The final MRI showed the growth of the tumor, it was necessary to treat with protons. But such therapy brings great harm to the development of the child, so Sasha's parents decide to wait 1,5 months and return to Nizhny Novgorod.

Everything was getting better

After 1,5 months, a planned MRI shows that the tumor has risen, a doctor from New York says that treatment is not needed. Recommends watching. Sasha is learning to walk again, but is very happy to spend time with his parents.

“My husband did everything to make me happy. So that I exhale after such a long journey, ”says Yulia. and start alternative injections, Sasha gets stronger. Everything seemed to be getting better.

On June 9, her husband takes Yulia and Sasha to his mother, and he himself leaves for Moscow on a business trip. It was their penultimate meeting and the last day at home. Returning from Moscow, he will not come to them. He has a fever so as not to infect Sasha, he does not take them home. Yulia's mother-in-law spends all this time with her husband.

The death of her husband

A couple of days later, Sasha and her mother-in-law fall ill. On June 18, my husband will be taken to hospital 40 in Nizhny Novgorod. To the same hospital, on the same day that Yulia's brother died exactly 7 years ago. This coincidence will shock her.

Husband's CT shows a 35% lesion. The husband will carry the phone with him to the intensive care unit. They will constantly correspond. His CT will show 65%, then 85% lesion.

On July 3, Yulia's mother-in-law died. “I can't describe these days in words, guys. There are not enough words to describe the horror. On July 4, for the first time, he did not answer me, - says Yulia. - I called. He was transferred to a ventilator, ”they answered me.”

Julia does not find a place for herself. she prayed until 12:30 at night. I read the stories of recovery on a ventilator, calmed down and fell asleep. An hour later, Yulia was informed of her husband's death.

Julia's husband was engaged in the manufacture of stairs. All the money went to materials, the rest barely covered the cost of the funeral. “We were left alone. The husband's business stopped. I gave myself 9 days on the mountain. Then it was necessary to earn money,” Yulia writes. She couldn't suffer because her salary was barely enough to buy Sasha's pills and diapers. Then for the first time she will receive a comment from a hater that “she didn’t roll herself into asphalt from grief.” Julia herself says that “rolling yourself in asphalt is a great luxury.”

“I already knew how to maintain my happiness, no matter what,” Yulia writes, “I have a daughter. Is this not a reason for happiness?”

The next month, she will increase income 6 times, and then 10 times. “Negative motivation and a well-developed head without cockroaches are our everything,” Yulia says.

Second trip to New York

But then another blow followed. Sasha's MRI showed slight tumor growth and hydrocephalus. Julia was devastated by this news. She does not want to go to New York, although this is the city of her dreams. But it also couldn't be delayed. On September 21, they flew to New York, "and then everything fell even more rapidly." September 23 MRI shows tumor growth, a shunt should be placed, then protons. But Julia wanted to keep her development, and the doctor seemed to hear her thoughts. Said there was an experimental treatment. Tablets Target.

On October 6, Sasha had a shunt installed, Yulia hoped that she would feel better. But from that day on, her daughter got worse. she suffered from pain in her stomach. Every day Julia lived in anxiety. Will they go to the hospital in an ambulance or wait at home.

By that time, the hospital had lost the blocks of the tumor, which were supposed to be treated. They promise to find On October 25, the doctors will do it in order to pull Sasha out of the other world after another crisis. A second shunt was installed, Sasha's face will begin to change from high doses of hormones.

In one Julia almost broke down. After the ambulance, they were walking down the street, when suddenly it would become difficult for Yulia to breathe. Tears flowed, she could not walk. Sasha was sleeping in the stroller. Julia will feel so bad that she will think that going with Sasha to the next world, to her husband is salvation. Then she decides to distract herself and go to Madison for shopping.

Disidentification

“Never in my life have I experienced such pain. Bottom? But it was different. You can always push off from the bottom and swim out. But at that moment I will have nothing to rely on, - says Yulia. - In a couple more, there will be a complete disidentification with everything that seemed significant to me. All meanings are gone. Everything became unimportant: no career, no money, no place of residence, no treatment prognosis, no life, no death.”

Julia accepted her impotence. Disidentification has led to the here and now. Only he existed. And that light. Which she had heard so much about, but it had never been her deepest experience.

“Allow the possibility of your impotence, weakness, ignorance and surrender to the flow of life. You have only three things in this life: yourself, the divine light and the moment here and now, ”writes Yulia.

On November 28, 2021, Yulia and Sasha will leave again in an ambulance. No one then understood that this was a neurological symptom of a brain tumor. Everyone thought otherwise. The blocks were never found, they recommended to stay for a couple of days for a planned MRI.

Let go without pain

On November 29, Sasha stopped responding, she was shaking. They will do a CT scan of her head and transfer her to intensive care. “I remember when they took her to the CT scan. My girl. I knew in my soul that this was the end, - Julia writes. - It was very calm. Like it should be." Then the doctors announced the verdict - they are powerless. Nothing can help. If you continue treatment with Target, she will suffer even longer.

Yulia held on to hope, they did an MRI, they approved the drug. Friends will immediately take him to the hospital. But an MRI will show that there is no hope. The tumor doubled in size.

At this point, Julia will have to take the hardest step. Decide. Let Sasha leave without suffering. She didn't know how long it would take. A few days, weeks, half a year.

Every day, Julia asked God not to torment her and her daughter, so that everything would end soon. But waking up in the morning, she was glad that her daughter was alive and next to her. That month, Sasha will become especially beautiful, everyone around will notice it. Julia tells and thanks everyone for the support provided during that period.

“Sasha left slowly, carefully. It was like she was preparing me. At first she understood everything and could answer yes or no. Then she stopped talking. Then she stopped eating. Then I stopped understanding. Then she plunged into an endless dream, ”writes Yulia.

“December was full of tears. But at the same time, Sasha did something to my heart. Never before have I experienced so much love for God, for the world, for life, for her. What a brilliant angel she is. God is my great blessing, his great mercy, ”added Yulia.

After praying, Julia asked “when”. And got an answer. On January 1, 2022, Sasha passed away. "Everything. My Sasha died. I ask for the brightest prayers, ”she writes on the social network.

Julia understands now that it was a transition for her and for Sasha. That something in her turned upside down that day.

Now Julia is a successful psychologist and financial coach. Consults online and offline, helps to increase earnings. She stayed in New York and is now a speaker at the Master Mind Club, which helps Russian-speakers and other immigrants adapt to the United States.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CaVHK85pZbu/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

She was able to “surface”, as she says herself. Despite the loss, she continues to share happiness with people, talking about how life is full of miracles. What you need to stay afloat. Also on her page, she shows how to change lives for the better, and, of course, shares her story.