“Nobody needs you here”: Ukrainian moved to New York and shares her impressions

“You are stuck between two worlds: you are no longer your own in the old house, but you have not yet taken root in the new one, so you become psychologically homeless,” Ukrainian Vera Spiridoncheva told about her feelings from moving to another country. “At the same time, there are also many advantages from moving - you become more mobile, tolerant and free from prejudices”. The publication shared the details of its history. MC Today.

About relocation, thoughts and adaptation theory

Vera Spiridoncheva went to New York for only two months, not planning to stay there, but still felt all the charms of immigration on herself.

“When I was packing my suitcase, I wondered if there was a reset button for my own life. What is the "American Dream" and does it exist at all? Why do many people, including myself, imagine life in the United States as completely different, more fabulous? " - she said.

Already in the States, she continued to study this topic, talking and reading a lot. She then learned about one well-known, albeit controversial theory, called the U-curve adaptation. It was introduced in 1954 by Calervo Oberg. According to the theory, moving to a new country, each immigrant goes through certain stages (although not necessarily all).

The first stage is a tourist one. During this period, the immigrant feels the euphoria of the move. His critical thinking is weakening, and his attention is focused on pleasant sensations.

For example, on variety in stores, new tastes, the environment and entertainment.

“Often, emigration is preceded by a nervous collection of documents, a difficult journey. Therefore, immediately after that, the person relaxes and exhales. But it doesn't last long, ”Vera said.

The second stage is an increase in problems and disappointment. During this period, people increasingly recall their native country and begin to compare it with a new habitat. The mood is gradually falling, because you need to integrate into the environment, face everyday life. Also, a person begins to feel foreignness and homesickness.

“I felt like a stranger”

When asked how to cope with a feeling of homesickness, Vera replied: “No way,” because her own longing has not yet subsided.

“My life began to change dramatically from the first hours in another country. And although I understand English and before leaving I watched dozens of films in the original language, I felt like an alien from another planet, ”the girl shared.

Faith is still forced to translate prices, weight, time.

“The brain is forced to do double work. How much is 20 bucks in hryvnia? And if it is 21:00 now, what time is it in Kiev? God, I weigh 116 pounds! How much is it in kilograms? 70 ° Fahrenheit - is it hot or cold? It will take a long time before all this fits in the head, ”she said.

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The barrier to communication was a language barrier. According to Vera, it was difficult for her to make out what the locals and visitors said. To avoid an embarrassing situation, the girl invented a rule for herself: “If I don’t understand something, I smile sweetly and ask again.”

The homesickness prevented him from adapting to a new life, because “you start to miss every street, signs in your native language, people who are always complaining about something on the trolleybus, borscht, buckwheat”. And if some needs can be satisfied in New York - for example, buy buckwheat - then “you will definitely not find the air of Shevchenko's native park here. And no Central Park can compare. "

Now eat brown bread with a piece of herring - the top of gastronomic ecstasy.

The next stage is adaptation, when the accumulated problems gradually begin to be resolved, close acquaintances appear among the local population, and relations with colleagues improve.

“Everyday issues are solved more easily, there is a desire to try something new, and not just a painful desire to hold on exclusively to the familiar and familiar,” Vera noted.

In her case, this stage was manifested in communication - she began to talk with strangers first, not embarrassed because of her accent.

The last, fourth stage, is characterized by the fact that the immigrant is already fully adapted to the world and it is easy for him to interact with people. He begins to like the new country, while he is able to critically evaluate both its positive and negative sides. Life as a whole is getting better, and negative emotions do not appear or rarely appear.

How to prepare for moving abroad

According to Vera, it takes a long time to prepare for moving abroad.

“To leave in your specialty, you need to upgrade to the level of“ very above average ”. When you arrive in a new country, you want to relax. I deserve it! But it is too early to relax, because real life begins precisely after the move, and it is important to understand this in time, ”she explained.

She also recommended not to flatter on the politeness of local residents. She explained: “For Americans, to compliment and ask how you are doing is a habit developed from childhood, which usually does not hide real sympathy or interest in your person. Nobody needs you here. Therefore, it is important to understand that no one is waiting for you in a new country with open arms. And in my native country, by the way, too. ”

Another thing that immigrants inevitably face is breaking up old ties.

“Emigration is a great filter for friends and family who, after moving, are separated from you by distances, and sometimes even time zones. Many of their friends dropped out in the first couple of years, ”Vera noted.

Also, after the move, the girl realized one thing: the world is actually tiny. For example, from New York to Kiev can be reached by plane in 10 hours.

“This is just a few seasons of Sex and the City,” she said.

Cons of living abroad

The most difficult test for Vera was the loss of a “feeling of home”.

“During short trips home, people feel that they are already tourists at home. You are surprised at the new shopping centers that have grown up in the places where you spent time with your friends, and fashion trends that would have seemed like something wild before, ”she explained.

In addition, when you arrive in your native country after a while, you realize that life does not stop when you leave.

“It turns out that you are stuck between two worlds: you are no longer your own in the old house, but you have not yet settled down in the new one, so you become psychologically homeless, as it were,” Vera noted.

The advantages of living abroad

One of the advantages that the Ukrainian has determined for herself in the status of an immigrant is the ability to make a trip to her own "I".

“After the move, more often than in Kiev, I was left alone with myself. It helped me to sort out my fears and understand what really matters to me and what is not. Forced psychoanalysis helped me see my goals more clearly, ”the girl shared.

It also became more mobile, and the exit from the comfort zone no longer seemed something terrible.

“After all, every day in a foreign country is a small kick in the ass, motivating to better learn the language, assimilate and look for new opportunities,” Vera noted.

In addition, the move allowed the Kiev woman to get rid of prejudice. Since, living in a new country, you plunge into another culture, getting acquainted with the traditions and habits of local residents and other immigrants, you become a more tolerant person.

“Regardless of religion, whether a person eats with chopsticks, hands or a fork, hides the whole body from head to toe or wears a turban on his head, all people want one thing: happiness and peace. This understanding erases the boundaries in your head and makes you more free, ”she said.

Vera also learned to live light after moving to New York.

“It became obvious to me that a suitcase should always be light. As a suitcase full of clothes and a load of regrets about the past. If life gives us a new journey, then it is better to embark on it light, "she summed up.