'New York is beautiful in its ugliness': how a Russian woman moved to the USA twice

Once in another country, you can get to know yourself better and reach a new level. Or, conversely, to understand that there is no place better than home. How to independently move to another country, make friends with a new city, create your own community and become your own among strangers? As part of a series of materials about Russians abroad, Nadya Okhunova, co-founder of the digital agency k917.studio, who has been living in New York for three years, shares her experience of moving. She shared her story with the publication "Lenta.Ru".

“The desire to live in another country came to me in 2017. By that time, many of my close friends had moved to different countries and seemed to be doing well. Nothing much kept me in Moscow - to be honest, here I never felt like I was in my place, ”says Nadya.

At that time, she had already worked for four years in a marketing agency, where city marathons, festivals and architectural workshops were held - a lot of interesting things.

“But I was pretty tired: I didn't understand what I wanted to do next. I wanted to develop, reach a new level and do cool international projects, ”said Okhunova. - I began to dig in the direction of educational programs abroad, but there were two problems. The prices for a master's degree then seemed unaffordable. Plus, if this is Europe, then you need to know the language of the country in which you want to live. And I only spoke English. "

In general, she has already begun to lean towards the option of taking projects for freelancing and wintering somewhere in Asia - there are fewer problems, and the path has already been trodden by downshifters. But it so happened that she was approved for a tourist visa to the United States. Moving to the United States seemed like an unrealistic but tempting idea. The plan was something like this: save up money, travel around the states and see how people live there.

“It immediately became clear that we had to go to New York - the center of the world and a gathering point for the most interesting people. There I didn't really know anyone: I had a couple of acquaintances, friends of friends and a great anticipation of some new stage in life. That was enough, ”the heroine of the story emphasized.

New york or nowhere

On her first visit, Nadia stayed in New York for several months on a tourist visa. First, she bought a huge slice of pizza for two dollars and ate it on the go to taste the city, so to speak. Then, of course, I went to Times Square.

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“Then I always avoided this area - it's just an anthill of tourists, homeless and crazy. My expectations for the island were closer to Sex and the City than to reality. I thought it was all skyscrapers, yellow taxis and rooftop parties. But in reality, there are rats in the subway, bags of garbage along the road, homeless people in sleeping bags right on the streets and a nasty smell, ”Okhunova shared her first negative experience.

But as she said, New York is beautiful in its ugliness - this must be understood. The power industry in the city is powerful. He is like a separate character: he lives his own life, and you either become friends or not. Each district here is a separate city. On the Upper East Side - luxury homes and stylish elderly couples, Middle Manhattan is teeming with tourists and dazzling with billboards, there is Soho with its industrial lofts, where there are now fashionable shops, Financial District from Wall Street, those very skyscrapers and "white collars", Chelsea with many galleries and Chinatown with grocery stalls along the narrow streets, where you can find everything from grilled chicken to obscure Chinese dried mushrooms. And Brooklyn is a completely different world across the bridge: hipsters, trendy cafes, vintage shops.

Nadia also highlighted the location of the city, according to her, it is ideal: an hour north - and you are in the mountains; an hour south is the ocean. If you miss your homeland, you can go to Brighton Beach, eat dumplings and buy buckwheat, Baltika beer, dried squid and nuts with condensed milk in the Tashkent store.

“I, of course, traveled to other states, but, as they say here, New York or Nowhere (“ either in New York or nowhere ”). California seemed to me a too relaxed village, while in other states it is difficult to integrate, and a foreigner has nothing to do, ”said Okhunova.

After visiting all the museums and having spent many dinners alone, she realized that even the coolest city does not make sense without friends. The place is formed by people, so she began to actively look for her own.

“I wrote to all my friends who had buddies in New York. They began to introduce me on social networks, almost every evening I met someone new. And then everything is like a chain: you get to know one person, he you - with three more. I remember that in a couple of months I had plus 200 contacts on Facebook. So very quickly I formed a warm circle of friends, ”Nadya shared her life hack on finding friends in the USA.

She says that the modern Russian community is very supportive here, everyone helps each other. Probably because they themselves went through something like this and know how difficult it is. People no longer run here from a bad life, but rather the opposite - they go to New York when they want to develop their careers. This is a different level of consciousness. In general, in New York it is easy to meet anyone, everyone is open to new communication. Americans, for example, can see you for the first time in their life and immediately invite you to a birthday party.

“In general, in New York I felt like I was in my place for the first time. People smile at you on the streets and compliment you. The most talented characters from all over the world come here in pursuit of success. And many get what they want, ”said Okhunova. “Everything is really possible here. You just need to know what you want, work hard, communicate a lot, sacrifice comfort for the sake of a big goal and seize the opportunities that open up for you. "

Nadia has heard all sorts of stories: from a poor student who spent the night on the streets and then opened his own fashion brand, to a shop assistant who was hired by the UN.

“Plus, I got to know contemporary artists, musicians, entrepreneurs who launch world-famous startups. I was attracted by this "successful success" and the general feeling that everything will work out. I really wanted to live here, to be like them. All that remained was to come up with a plan, ”says Okhunova.

Lost in Translation

Immigration is not tourism, this must be understood even on the other side. Nadia did not have a clear plan - rather, it was like a trial version of life in another country. In any case, each person goes through several stages of adaptation in a new culture. They say they can last a lifetime.

“I immediately felt the language barrier and the difference in mentality. Sometimes I simply couldn't explain in a restaurant what I wanted to order. Before moving, it seemed to me that I speak English fluently. But in the USA there are so many different accents, plus slang, that I caught only 60% of the information, the rest had to be thought out, ”Nadia shares the difficulties she had with communication.

According to her, her personality in Russian was very different from the American version. Here she was more silent and listened than participated in the dialogue.

“I remember I came to dinner at my American acquaintance, where they played board games. From entertainment it turned into a terrible stress for me, because I had to hammer into the translator what this or that word meant, ”says the heroine of the story.

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Small talk culture is very developed in the USA - this is when you freely chat about the weather, work, and so on. So, at first, Okhunova did not go further than these conversations, so it was not very successful to make friends with the Americans. In general, the approach to friendships and relationships, she says, is different from our understanding of them by our “wide soul”. People are reluctant to share personal experiences, they get closer for a long time.

“You can be romantically involved, but if you haven't clearly stated your official status as a couple, then it's okay to date someone else. With my “Soviet” upbringing, it was difficult to understand, ”the girl is surprised. "Americans believe that they know everything and about everything, and everyone should have their own opinion on any issue: from the life of bees to the problems of geopolitics."

For example, now, during the period of COVID-19, posters are hanging in the metro: "Everyone should have a mask as a personal opinion." Of course, at first Nadya did not understand everything, because she did not understand some issues and did not know what to answer. But it is, rather, a point of growth and an opportunity to learn a lot of new things. So I had to quickly understand their political and economic system in order to keep the party talking.

And here everyone is very busy with their careers and evaluates you first of all for work, says the narrator. The first question when meeting: "What are you doing?" The coffee meeting should be scheduled a week in advance so that everyone has the same schedule.

“I also suffered from this, because then I had a lot of free time, and I felt as if everything around was in the subject, but I was not,” says Okhunova. - As for everyday life, there are also some surprises here. For example, apartments are mostly without washing machines, you have to go to the local laundry and spend half the day off just to wash and dry things.

The girl also noted that there are huge cockroaches in the apartments, a mouse can start and - the worst thing - bed bugs. Moreover, in good buildings. Here they treat this normally and consider them almost for roommates.

The metro operates around the clock, but at long intervals. If you do not catch the train, you will have to wait 15-20 minutes. Plus, you can sit on one branch and unexpectedly arrive on another. In general, Nadya regularly left in the wrong direction and spent twice as much time to get somewhere. But this even happens to the locals. Or, for example, on weekends, some stations are closed - this is not indicated anywhere, and the usual route is again doubled.

“At first, unknowingly, I went to expensive grocery stores (like Whole Foods) and all the time I was upset about the check at the checkout. Then I learned about a grocery chain where the same vegetables and fruits cost two dollars per kilogram, ”recalls the heroine of the story.

The beauty industry in general is in decline - in order to get a decent manicure, not for space money, you need to do a whole research, the narrator is surprised. Therefore, many people use the services of Russians and travel to Brighton for about an hour one way. Now, by the way, more Russian salons are opening in Manhattan, which is good news.

American women, in principle, do not really bother with styling, manicure and other things - they do not dye, they wear yoga leggings and sneakers. Then you relax yourself: you can walk around the city in your pajamas, and no one will look askance at you. Rather, on the contrary, they will make a compliment. There are a lot of crazy people here, so it's hard to surprise someone. Complete freedom of expression.

The price of pleasure

New York is an expensive city, but if you know how to save money, you can live here without a lot of money, Nadya Okhunova is sure. The main budget goes to housing: the price for a rented room in Manhattan in an apartment with neighbors starts from $ 800- $ 1000 per month, and a studio without neighbors will cost from two thousand. And we are talking about a modest den in a distant area or an apartment meter by meter closer to the center. True, during the pandemic, prices fell dramatically, because many left the city.

In general, in order to rent a house here, they always require a document confirming the legal status, a work permit, your credit history, income certificates and a bunch of other documents. Plus you have to sign a lease for a year or more and pay three sums up front. But there is a group on Facebook - Gypsy Housing (something like our Flats for friends), where people are looking for tenants. Another option is Airbnb.

“At first I lived with friends: sometimes someone went on a trip or had to sit with a cat. In short, Spartan conditions, but this is an experience to go through. But I lived in different areas and found my favorite - Williamsburg in Brooklyn, ”says Nadia. - They joke here that in New York you are constantly looking for something - a job, an apartment or love. I was looking for everything at once. "

A monthly metro ride costs $ 127 dollars. The famous yellow taxis are wildly expensive, as they work on the meter and take tax, the heroine summed up in frustration. But there are a lot of other services like Via, Lyft, Uber Pool, where you share a trip along the route with other people and in the end you can drive through the whole city for $ 10. Now, at the time of the pandemic, joint trips have been closed, so the same path will cost three times more.

A modest one-course dinner in a restaurant with a glass of wine - $ 50 minimum. Plus tax, plus tips, it's a must. In the store, the minimum set of Nadi products (bread, eggs, tomatoes, avocados, a bunch of greens and bananas) also costs $ 50- $ 60.

“Before the pandemic, there were hundreds of events a day in New York. I often went to lectures, workshops, startup meetings, professional meetups, gallery openings: there were always free snacks and wine. This is such an additional bonus to knowledge and useful acquaintances, ”says Okhunova.

There are also many cool food startups out there. For example, the Sweetgreen cafe chain is all about salads and all sorts of bowls for 15 dollars, which you yourself collect from vegetables, rice, fish and other things. Or the TooGoodToGo app, where restaurants and bakeries sell leftover food for a couple of dollars at the end of the day. Museums and galleries often run free days.

Medicine is the most painful topic and a big question for the American system, the narrator emphasized with sadness. They joke here that as soon as you enter a medical facility, you immediately lose $ 200.

There is no free medicine, only for insurance from $ 500 dollars. Work usually provides insurance, but it doesn't cover everything. All jokes aside, many live without insurance and are treated at home. If you go to the hospital, you can get tens of thousands of dollars. The way out is not to get sick! For example, my tooth broke off, I called different clinics and found out that it would take two thousand dollars to put a filling. In the end, I found a Russian dentist with a private practice, where you pay $ 125 per month on a subscription, which includes several procedures.

“Summing up, I can say that a modest monthly budget for living in New York starts from two thousand dollars, more comfortable - from $ 3500- $ 5000 after taxes. When I didn't pay the rent and stayed with friends, I lived on about $ 1000- $ 1500 a month. Ideally, of course, make seven to ten thousand dollars. But in general, the more the better. Everything is not so bad, because salaries here are as high as the standard of living. And in fact it turns out plus or minus as in Moscow. If you find a good job, you get all guarantees, health insurance and other bonuses, ”Nadya said with confidence.

How to find a job

As the heroine of the story says, getting legal status in the country with the opportunity to work is the pain of every immigrant. It was lucky if you were transferred to an American company and all the documents were completed. Or you study at a university, and you are given a year of work permit. This is if you move "according to science."

In my case, it was a voluntary choice, no one was waiting for me here. I myself decided to live here and try to find an employer who will help me with a work visa.

You have to understand that in the new country your education, connections and status in general are not particularly quoted. You have to start from scratch and sometimes take a step back, but only in order to then take two steps forward.

“I already had examples of friends who left a successful business in Moscow, where they had their own companies. And in New York they had to settle for a managerial position. But they all got promoted pretty quickly. This motivated me a lot. The only thing - I was confused by my level of language specifically for work. Because communicating with Americans at parties and working with them are two big differences, ”the narrator emphasized the problem.

According to her, she wanted to stay in her professional industry and started looking for a job in marketing. She already had good cases and experience at home, in this area she understood.

“I told all my friends that I was looking for a job so that they would have me in mind. I created a profile on LinkedIn and wrote to the company, but got a lot of rejections. Everyone was embarrassed by my lack of a work visa, and few wanted to bother with it. For a company, this is not a very difficult process, but again - financial costs and bureaucracy. It's easier to hire an American than to bet on a specialist like me, besides without a probationary period, ”recalls Okhunova.

But as she said, anything is possible in New York if you don't give up.

“My friend left work and recommended me to her boss. It was a growing marketing agency looking for an SMM specialist. Before the interview, I memorized my speech, and it went well, ”said Nadya with joy. - Then we agreed that they would help me with a work visa if I paid for it myself and took care of all the issues. This visa is called H1B and costs around $ 500. "

Under this visa, the employee associates himself with the employer for three years, while he can terminate the contract at any time. Nadia had to go back to Moscow to prepare all the documents there. There were no guarantees, but who does not risk ...

Roundtrip

Then something went wrong. There was a month left before applying for a work visa, the lawyer did not strongly believe in success, since the company was small. In addition, by correspondence with the employer, it became clear - "we will not work together." The plan failed.

“I was, of course, very upset and depressed for a couple of months. I didn't want to stay in Moscow at all, I liked life in New York much more. I began to look for any possible options and took advice from three immigration attorneys in the United States. As a result, I learned about the "talent visa" O1: many designers, photographers, journalists, entrepreneurs and all sorts of Nobel laureates are moving on it. You just need to prepare a 200-page case and prove that I am an outstanding specialist in my homeland, ”says Okhunova.

According to her, it was necessary to seriously work on her case, so she decided to achieve success quickly and without fail.

“As a result, I spent about a year in Moscow. During this time, my friend and I opened our own digital agency in order to be independent and work wherever we want. Of course, I pursued my goal - to return to New York. Everything started spinning, we assembled a team, rented an office at Artplay, established processes in the company, I felt more financially stable, ”the heroine approaches the denouement of her story.

As time went on, thoughts about New York seemed already distant and somehow unreal. The comfort zone is addictive, you don't want to leave it. Nadia began to wonder if the game was worth the candle.

“I remember even being at an immersive performance, where you go into the“ confessional ”, ask any question, and three different people answer you at the same time. I asked them: "Should I return to New York or not?" ... Together, I decided that if not now, then never. Better to try and do everything in your power than to regret it later. After all, it almost happened once, ”says Nadya. - In addition, now, thanks to the business, I could already provide myself with a life in New York: rent an apartment and be sure that I would not be left without money.

The collection of documents for a visa was delayed, and Okhunova could no longer wait. So I found a business management training program in New York for a year and got a student visa. I decided that at the same time I would improve my business English and get additional time to apply for a work visa.

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“I took all the things from a rented apartment in Moscow to my mother’s dacha, threw a farewell party and flew to New York to celebrate 2019,” says Nadya. - As soon as I landed, I immediately realized that I had made the right choice. I felt at home - every street was familiar, my favorite places and friends, the feeling of a dream come true. Looking back, I can say that it was a difficult path ”.

She had to show ingenuity, work hard and constantly solve new problems: where and what to live on, how to move, how to find friends, work and a place in a foreign country, the girl sums up. But it was all worth it! Leaving your comfort zone is a point of growth, an opportunity to find out who you are and what you are capable of.

Tips for those looking to move to another country

You need to think over a plan in advance, says Nadya, choose where you want to live and, most importantly, what to do. Good reasons to move are study, internship, work, relationships. But these issues need to be studied on the shore and useful contacts should be started at home. It's worth saving up some money and thinking about what projects you can take for freelancing.

First, it is better to go on a long vacation to the place where you are supposed to live.

“I think it's important to be a local, not a tourist. And imagine whether it will be possible to lead your usual way of life there, - says Okhunova. - It is necessary to clarify in advance all the issues with the documents. You should talk to several immigration lawyers and feel free to ask for advice from people who have already come this way. "

The sooner you manage to form a social circle in a new place, the better. It is useful to find out if any of your friends or acquaintances live there, and keep in touch with them in order to have some kind of base after the move. Do not be afraid and listen to those who will dissuade you. In which case you can always return to your homeland. And the experience of living in another country is priceless.